First day of Summer

Spring

Spring is over. Spring is when I started this leg of my food obsessed life... when I turned it around and said enough was enough to COE!

Here, based on yesterdays weigh in, is what I accomplished....





208 to 168.4 lbs - 39.6 lbs
SO: roughly -3.168 lbs per week....

Size 14 to Size 10 - 2 sizes lost

Measurements to be posted on Thursday, b/c I am so so hoping to have the number be -40.5 (or more!) by then.

Summary:
Intake:

March: 1000~1200 cals per day
April: 1200~1500 cals per day
May: 500-550 cals per day
June: to date 650~700 cals per day when averaged out. it will increase IF I follow plan all week starting Thursday.

Output:
April: 2690 (averaged over the month)
May: 2490 (averaged over the month... 200 cal drop?!)
June: 2540 (averaged out to date)

What I've learned:

• 1,900 cal deficit is probably the max I can hope to keep up (May and June were both between 1800 and 1900 deficits even with a 100 cal difference in intake, and I depended a lot more on energy drinks in May than I have in June)
• Despite what the figures say (this should be about 3.8 lbs lost per week...) the math doesn't always work out exact...
• It is rather easy to control intake as long as planning is done, and variety is taken out of the picture. 
• I am not in as much control as I would like to think I am... I get very anxious when something gets in the way of my plan... and feel uncomfortable with the minor adjustments I've been making.
• That said, I am still able to make them... so that's gotta be good, right? Gotta keep stretching my comfort zone while it's still this stretchable....

Moving Forward: Near Future

Summer

The plan:

Last full week of June - eat 1200 calories a day unless it results in a gain (will check daily); to start Thursday... (VERY VERY SCARY)

July
1-7: Protein Fast
8-14: Refeed solids in
15-21: Undecided - depends on how this upcoming week goes...
22-28:Undecided - depends on how this upcoming week goes...
Last 3 days: Prepare for Master Cleanse

August
1-10th: Master Cleanse
11-14th - unknown... might extend Master Cleanse, might finish with just normal juice fast
15-21 - refeed solids or ease-out > juice fast >>> re-feeding solids.
22-31 -unknown...... will need to re-evaluate during re-feeding period, which may only be starting really during this time...

September: 
TOTALLY unknown... BUT... 

The goal for September 20th (Last day of summer)

Be between GW5 (147) and GW6 (127)...

I really wanted to be GW6 by early September... and it's possible, if I can increase my current loss rate by just a little... and the master cleanse should really stimulate some loss, but I'm setting a slightly less stringent goal/deadline because I don't want to feel like a failure... because regardless of what it would cause me to do (go back to COE or dive head first into restriction) it wouldn't be good... and if nothing else during the last 13 weeks, I've learned that walking the middle ground isn't something I've very good at... it takes a lot of effort... it's much easier to be at either end of the extremes.

As long as I lose at least 2 lbs per week, I will achieve this goal... I will be 15 lbs away from GW6... (cry...) but it will be the only GW I have left to check off... so... ugh, I'll try to be happy with that. If I lose 3 lbs per week (no more no less) I will be 2 lbs shy of GW6 by this Sept 20th... and I will have achieved GW5 before the original date I wanted this all to be done by... I will be VERY pleased if that is what happens (and even more pleased if I can just keep with my original plan...), so I'm going to keep on pushing :D

The Beginning of the end: After GW6....

Fall
 
So... there are two girls who I <3 and admire very much. I've been following their journey with their ED for about 6 weeks now, and they both have gotten past their UGWs, but are still struggling emotionally with maintaining, and body image and everything else. They are major sources of motivation for me, and I try to inform my journey based on theirs so... I've decided I need to get an exit plan in place NOW...

Like them, I really want to have me behind the wheel, not 'Ana'... and, while that voice is not even really existent in my head, 'ChlOE' (why not give COE a cute name too... even though she is a fat and vengeful bitch... just not as subtle as her counterpart) is certainly getting weaker by the day, and I can't help but wonder if (worry that?) as one set of thought patterns and behaviors weakens, the other set will slowly get stronger and more ingrained. So... here's my plan... because hey, I know I'm not going to be happy at 127... I doubt it will be the magic number where I get my thigh-gap (my true Ultimate Goal)... and even if it is... it probably won't be "big enough"' in my mind... and 127 will be 19.9 BMI, so I will still have room to lose and be in a healthy range... but, well... here's the plan. What do you think?

The Thursday I surpass GW6 will be the week I start increasing my cals to maintain...

• I will increase them by 100 cals per day per week, and will continue to do so until I stop losing.
• I will also add more variety into my diet (like... one week the 100 cals will come from whole grains... [eek!])
• One day a week will be a protien only day, as I will no longer be doing week long protien fasts. (Ducan Diet Inspo)
• The week I stop losing (Maintain same weight or gain), I will evaluate where I am body wise and where I want to be.
• If I am happy (unlikely) I will set my maintenance range and continue on with the rest of my life? (lol.. sounds so silly, but here's hoping)
• If I gained, I will drop the cals or replace whatever I used to add them with a "Safer" food... if I gain 2 weeks in a row, I will do something to lose the gain, and keep experimenting until I find the right combo of things to do to keep stable.
• If I am still unhappy, I will drop my cals and aim to lose .5~1lb per week until I am where I want to be, and then bring my cals back up.
• .5~1 lb per week seems so little... but when I hopefully will not have much left to lose anyway... maybe it won't be?

why this has become attached to seasons... i don't know.
we find the weirdest meaning in things that have none- ah well!

Maintaining:

Winter

I hope that this process will be done before Dec 21st (First day of Winter...) I.E. I want this whole process to be over within 3 seasons... and when the one year anniversary to the start of this whole journey comes around, I want it to mark at least 3 months of proper maintaining. Once I hit this mark, I will allow myself 1 free meal a week, which will always be followed by a protien only day... the idea is to start making room for a more social me...

First day of fall will mark when I can have 2 free meals per week... which will probably be my max...  (these ideas also come from Ducan Diet)

Definition of a Free Meal: 
Anything is OK, but no 2nds. If it's out at a restaurant, stop eating once satisfied, not once plate is empty. Desert is also Ok.

So... what do you think? Is it reasonable? Possible? Weak? strong? ugh... all I can say is although part of me thinks it sounds really rational, another part is really conflicted with the whole idea...