5/14/2011 01:01:00 AM

resisting the fat bitch in me....

While watching and reading the different things I have been to keep myself "thinking thin", I've heard/seen a lot of people refer to their ED as a persona, or as another part of themselves which has a voice. Well, I don't have a voice that is separate... and actually, sometimes I think I have 2 aspects going on in the back of my head.... neither are strong... One isn't even strong enough to 'speak', but it (she?) smiles when I forget to eat a snack or decide to park very far away so I have to walk more. Or when I'm on the treadmill and decide to look at my fatass thighs to keep pushing through the high intensity part of the interval, it nods in approval.

The other one is actually able to speak, but it's just me, it doesn't seem to have it's own life or whatever like some girls refer to. As it doesn't sound like it's own person,  it isn't super strong... and it hasn't appeared all that often, but last night while driving home from work it started suggesting that I forgo the evening workout, and double up on Saturday and Sunday if I couldn't manage to do so today. At first it sounded rational, and good... I was so tired, but then I realized the trap this lazy aspect of myself was setting... the minute I start rationalizing any bad behavior is the minute I can kiss this effort goodbye. NO COMPROMISES fat bitch.... go away.

Tonight was similar, so I think she only comes out when I'm tired. I succeeded in doing the sculpt workout 80%. Some exercises seemed too much because of my fatigue and stiffness in my back so I spent the time I should have been doing them stretching or doing my Physio. It will be interesting to see what the rest of this week brings...


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