Day 10 - Relief

The main feeling i had throughout the day was one of relief. I was relieved I had done it for the whole 10 days, relieved that I wouldn't have to drink another glass of lemonade after ## more for the day, relieved that I only had one really bad day...

I went shopping for ease out supplies, and felt a bit overwhelmed by all the choices... I also felt disgusted by some things like meat... but I cannot go vegan or vegetarian yet, I'm too scared of carb heavy diets over long term and low-carb on vegetarian is too tofu/fat heavy for my liking. Maybe in a year or two... I do think I will try to have a few vegetarian DAYS in my weekly schedule once I'm maintaining though, but I will have to get over the meat disgust by the end of this week. It's not that I have anything against a plant based diet but our bodies are clearly made to eat animal products as well, and I don't want to lose that ability. (Teeth would be different if we weren't meant to be omnivores).

Being this restrictive has also sent me further into the ED I think... The control part of it. The idea of eating out is absolutely terrifying atm... which also needs to be overcome. I need to be able to eat out for my birthday, which isn't too far off... and I will be eating out a lot when I go on vacation in 2 months... Also I may meet with some friends later this month, which will surely involve eating out. I think I'll need to just PLAN very well. Research the menu first, and come up with a strategy on how to keep the calories right... It's just... god, the fact that even packaged goods aren't measured correctly (not sure if I wrote about this before... During ease in I bought some raw 'bread'. It said it had 2 servings in a package, but it actually had 2.6.... that was almost 100 extra calories!) makes me really worry about the accuracy of online nutrition profiles for restaurant food.I doubt they actually measure anything with any precision. I'll have to come up with a rule like 'Eat 1/3 of the meal and count the calories as if it were 1/2 of the meal" or something... *sigh*

I was told by someone today that they wanted to make me go eat a steak, and felt they needed to weigh me down or I'd blow away in the wind. I can't possibly be *that* thin yet... I know I'm smaller, I simply can't deny that. But... my hips are still so wide, my thighs are still so thick... and I'm still at a mid-ranged healthy weight. Why then do people think I look so frail? "Too Thin". I wonder if I look that way to people who don't know me... who don't know what I looked like before. Or if it's only something people who knew the fat me see. Hmmm