Binge, Shame & Triggers

breaking the cycle for now... thus able
to post about it ._.

I've said it before, though not exactly where... but anyway, I'm moving out of the country very soon. And where I'm going, it isn't a very GF Friendly country. Gluten Intolerance is far less common in that part of the world, so they don't do as much for it... and anyway, the thought of not being able to find GF easy sources of carbohydrates put me into a bit of a tail spin. So here I am, on a sunday morning, not having weighed in and I won't be... because I'm on a carb hang over, and too afraid of what the water weight will show. And even perhaps a fat gain.... Disgusting ._.

I've been disgusting. I've most definitely had in the last few days more than I did in the last month, and it makes me sick to my stomach. No more. I wasn't even hungry half of the time... I just felt justified because it wouldn't be available anymore soon. I'll be waiting until Wednesday to weigh in I guess.

While going about getting my Visa I had to make a trip into the nearest major city, Boston, to go to the local embassy for the country I'm moving to. Standard stuff really. While I was there, I saw an add for a hospital run study re: eating disorders and well... here it is.

It, coupled with some stories I've heard from other girls either in the past or very recently (like the same day I saw it the first time recently) caused me to feel very strongly that this advert represents everything that is wrong with ED related treatment/lack there of. I can't tell you how many times I've heard girls say they want to get help, but are afraid they won't be taken seriously because of their weight... or how much it sickens me that the average bulimic only gets weeks of inpatient treatment in contrast to months for an anorexic... that people are denied help when they ask for it, and told that they will get it "if they get to an underweight BMI".

I'm writing a letter to the study... explaining all this. How wrong their advert is, how sickening it is that out of the 5 studies they are currently doing on EDs, only one of them isn't directly related to anorexia (it's related to sleep related eds)... and that I find it entirely pathetic that the physical result of the behaviors has more bearing on diagnoses and treatment/research eligibility than the behaviors that define what is generally classified as a PSYCHOLOGICAL/BEHAVIORAL disorder.

I'm still revising the letter... and honestly haven't decided if I'll post it here or not (it will probably depend on if the researchers respond, and what their response is...). I know that it won't change anything in a broad and overarching way... it's probably pointless. BUT, maybe... just maybe, it will open the eyes of the team who is behind this ad at least... maybe it will inspire one study, even just one, that deals with early detection and treatment... and if anything like that happened because of a rant I wrote... well, that would be a wonderful thing, even if it was only small.