8/16/2012 09:27:00 AM

Comments and Weigh in


Weight: 135.8 (-1lb since last time)
Fat: 29.5 (+3 lbs since last two times, but I noted they were probably inaccurate... was when I was supposed to have my period so I think that might have messed with my scale)

So, overall I'm not displeased. From before the -4lb change in Body Fat, I've lost 1.5 lbs, and I think taht is a far more realistic number... so although it would have been LOVELY to have really dropped 4-5 lbs of fat in half a week, I'm not freaking.

I've gotten back into the habit of stepping on and off my scale 5 times and then selecting the most consistent values as my official weigh in. OCDish behaviors 4-the-win. *sigh*


Patti- I published both because replying in public (only way for me to reach out to you) to something others can't see seems strange to me. If you want to delete either one you can, now that they are published, but I don't think you should. Your points are valid, not preachy at all... and honestly, I want realism to be part of this journal, not some idealized picture of EDs that promotes the stupid idea that they aren't any consequences to the behaviors... Also, you weren't telling me how to run my life, and I think you also realize that a lot of the time we are driven to engage in behaviors without feeling that we have a choice... Anyway, I didn't feel judged or upset by the comment, and feel it adds valid content to the blog =]

The fact is, purging is a very VIOLENT thing to do to the body. Aside from the long term effects of acid on the esophagus (Anyone fancy bleeding to death from rupturing their insides?) and the heart/low potassium etc... Plenty of people, I'm sure a number of the ones you mentioned arriving DOA, simply choke on their own vomit... It's a disgusting thing to do, it takes (sadly) a lot of practice to be effective (Which probably means a lot of gain before loss)... it often increases the frequency of binges because you tell yourself you can fix it after... I really don't see many positives. Very few of the bulimics I've spoken with are happy in their disorder. Most are very jealous of restrictive types...

So, basically, to anyone reading this that is thinking "oh, I should try that." I'd recommend not. Not even for the health reasons (which are plenty) but because it will probably only increase your self-hate/body issues/feeling of dirtiness etc.

Ava - I don't think I'm binging more often b/c of purging, and the one thing I've managed with the binging is to keep it so that I am still in deficit which is good... I need to stop though, it makes me feel mentally like crap after, as you know :( I think it's more b/c I'm trying to do too much each day... what with getting ready to move and all. Pre-enrollment classes. I think that once I'm done with work, and can focus just on the moving part of this all, it should stop being as much of a temptation.


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