5/12/2014 12:07:00 PM

Back to the develop*ing* (not *ed*) world

Well, that was a bit longer between posts than I had intended... switching countries does that to me though... after a month of being in the country I would love most to live in I had to return to the other one that I currently call home... just 2 more months. That's what I need to tell myself... then I'll move... somewhere? idk where yet... been waiting on those details for about 2 weeks now (TRIGGER - but the positive [i.e. makes it easier to not eat] kind). Hopefully they will come in soon.


Bella - omg yeah it sucked. I am gluten intolerant and not sure if I can use the type of dissolvable fiber that is made from wheat (most commonly found in the country I was in... and I don't trust jack shit where I am now, nothing is labeled properly)... It is actually made from a part of the plant that doesn't have GLUTEN in it, BUT, because it is in contact with the other parts of the plant... not guaranteed safe...

So, thinking I may order some Inulin when I move to the next place I am going [don't want to buy a bunch of supplements I'll need to carry around with me when I move in a few months]. Been chowing down on 200-300g of broccoli + 2 egg whites and a egg yellow (need the fat to absorb Multi-Vitamin...) for 150-175c for breakfast the last few days and things seem to be... er well, functioning on a frequent enough basis that I can be happy. no more 10+ days of waiting for nature to do its thing... so, yeah - until I'm settled down, I think that will be good enough. 

Patti - Awww thanks for stopping by, and again I'm happy (i think? hate the idea of spreading a disease...) that you find my blog helpful. IDK how much of the backlog you've read but... was basically 210 when I started 3 years ago now... got down to 125.6 by late october... gained a bunch back to about 160~165 that winter.... then suddenly started restricting again and got down again to 128ish... then up again to same 160~165 in winter, down again to 128~130, up to 160~165... and now... idk where I am actually, somewhere in the 130s... weigh in today put me at 139.5 but well, let's just say I have good reason (related to above comments) to believe that tomorrow will show a *very* different picture lol ._. Mathematically I should be far lower than that too... somewhere around 135~136. 

This is kinda a continuation to the comment to Patti but... more general thought like so... no more italics! I've noticed that I naturally start restricting (or... stop binging?) when the days start getting longer... around February usually binges decrease if not stop all together (last 3 years) and restriction becomes natural by March, even if I am not consciously pushing for it. Like a switch flipping. And the binging starts in Fall... when days get shorter (and colder). I thought it was because of

1. the cold
2. seasonal fall dishes (largely deserts) being MAJOR trigger foods for me...

BUT, someone on the forums I use sometimes suggested it *MIGHT* be S.A.D. ...! Which - idk, makes some sense... and also means I might be able to *DO* something about it. So, talking about supplements... aside from Inulin, which is a soluble but largely indigestible fiber, sometime in late summer I'll be buying 5HTP, St. Johns Wart, and whatever other herbals are thought to help with being not depressed - AND I think I'll get one of those S.A.D. lights and spend at least 1-2 hrs in front of it (while walking in place or on a treadmill if I can afford one - two birds, one stone yeah!).

Basically.... and I know it's far away (Sorry, I really like to plan WAY in advanced... I've already started thinking about my dietary plan for JULY haha), but I'm:

1. Going to be significantly underweight by my next birthday (between 16.7~17.5 - yes... I must achieve the old criteria, and keep there for a while... then maybe try to allow 17.5~18.5...)

2. Not *EVER* be in the 130s again.

Of course... if I don't end up living where I hope to... idk how realistic that pledge is, but dammit... this isn't a wagon thing, it's a mental disease... and while I have no desire to get rid of it, I will shape it into a form that is acceptable to me if its the last thing I do (and yes... I realize that it very well could be thank you very much).

What else...?

Ah yes. Cycle 5 ended kinda iffy for the 02468 and once I returned to where I am now, I couldn't really control things, so I dropped week 6 and just moved to my plan of a relatively low cal breakfast (i let it go above the 130ish c I had planned before I came back in order to get more veg in... never know if host family will give me veg or not - I did, however, tell them to NOT give me fruit, roots, or sugar - which they have honored now for two weeks! so that's happy... but yeah, breakfast has been 150~175 the last few days) + host family dinner. Still losing, even with significantly less exercise (~1-1.5hr per day vs. 3.5-4). Started the next level of Pilates video, but body ends up being rather sore or... deflated? (idk how to describe... I feel like a balloon that is loosing its air) the next day - so I've only been doing it once every other day.

Classmates in my grad-school program have all commented on my loss. Also, I am fitting back into my size 2 jeans from NY&C without a muffin top - which... idk where that places my approximate measurements b/c their website is down atm! And I really don't want to check with real measuring tape until I actually am <135 (not a BMI goal, but a big one for me... I can start wearing my old reward necklace again. Hoping to hit it by the weekend for a rather big event so I can have the necklace on). Anyway, I'm far ahead of the loss rate I had achieved last year (was still in high 140s this time last year if not over 150) so, that's pleasing.

Will come back and post tomorrow to update the weight. Hoping for 136.x (Literally knocks on wood).


Patti said...

The yearly gain/loss pattern you described is nearly identical to mine, and the biggest source of frustration and often self-loathing for me. After I lost an initial 80 pounds 2009 which brought me within 30 pounds of my first goal weight, I gained back 25 pounds of it, which took me most of the next year losing. And for the last few years, I've had this pattern: A wakeup call on New Year's Day, a couple months of struggling to get back on track, decent but not great, weight loss through spring and summer, and the first part of autumn. And then, around the end of October or so, I'd start gaining again. And I've been gaining and losing the same lousy 20 or so pounds all over again. My weight graph for the last 4 years looks like a sine wave. bleahh.

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